Wuly Bear Chronicles

a wuly irreverent blog. The damnedest ever seen.

How to Pray and Actually Get What You Want

You can’t place an order without an address. Most systems will return you an error message if you try. But because communication with God is mono-directional, one must be very deliberate about putting in the particulars. As to, where the miracle should be delivered, on what date, and even the time. Otherwise, they get sent to the default address of 713 South Walnut. Which is my house. 

It was not Tuesday, but Wednesday, and the sky outside was dark as doom, the wind as warm as breath, and no sooner than I stepped into my car did the rain pour down like a benediction and start to beat the cars. But it was sent to the wrong address, for I hadn’t prayed for rain? God was sending me someone else’s miracle. This is a recurring error, and it sincerely distresses me. Not because some peach farmer in New Mexico is in an intolerably dry condition, underfed, and nearly bankrupt, that is his business, but because the rainwater floods through our air conditioning unit, drips into Lola’s crate, and gets her wet.

Right now, it is snowing very fluffily—this is a children’s snow of little white cotton balls. I certainly did not pray for this, so why is it here? Simply because some child, or perhaps a whole horde of them, joined hands in eager ceremony, and placed an order with God, BUT FORGOT TO TELL HIM WHERE TO SEND IT!

It does not simply suffice to say, “God, let it snow.” This is all wrong. If Amazon cannot predict your address, who is God to try? One must instead say, “God, please grant us snow, today, at 11am, please and thank you, and right here at 617 West Bernard Street, West Chester, PA, 19382.” STATE THE PARTICULARS!—that is how to pray.

Three miracles were delivered to me last week. I found $50 walking to my car, my neighbor died, and Christine took a bath. These are all welcome miracles, and I am grateful for them, of course, but they were not solicited for. They were someone else’s prayers being answered, not mine

I have had a person say to me that because God is all-knowing and omnipotent you needn’t state the particulars, for he knows them. Wrong, this is all very wrong, you MUST ALWAYS state the particulars. If God were all-knowing, omnipotent, and supreme, prayer would be unnecessary to start. You would not need to ask him for what you want, for he would already know it. If you wanted your neighbor dead, you needn’t crook the knee and consciously propel your desires to heaven, for He already knows them. As well, if God is all-knowing the act of prayer would be an insult, for only God knows what is best for you, and to make a request for anything other than what is given is to imply you know better than God.

This forces us into the conclusion that God either requires particulars, or is not a miracle worker at all and that one is better off pledging allegiance to weather forecasters.   

But maybe God does know all. For all the miracles bestowed to me, were mostly mine after all, and wished for in my secret heart. My neighbor Hank Thorpe, the one now recently departed, was a great friend. Just not a great friend of mine. My prayer had been answered, and without me even praying it.  

My Cup Runneth Over!! After a long hard day of raping and pillaging, even a Wuly enjoys a warm glass of GLOGG!

My Cup Runneth Over!! After a long hard day of raping and pillaging, even a Wuly enjoys a warm glass of GLOGG!

Look at ME! FUCKING LOOK AT ME!! DOES IT LOOK, LIKE I’m FUCKING AROUND!?

Look at ME! FUCKING LOOK AT ME!! DOES IT LOOK, LIKE I’m FUCKING AROUND!?

ATTN: The Easter Bunny Is NOt Coming This Year…

„««««««<I got the dirty rat bastard ball-gagged down in my wuly cave…

NOBODY SHITS VIBANTLY COLORED DECORATIVE EGGS IN MY HOUSE!

everyone’s shit stinks….

(((—-and now Soon, I will devour.///// —-in the manner of a proper and tidy gentleman////…»»»»>

and like a vulture, I wuly pick his bones clean

:D  !!! HUZZAH!!!!

I didn’t want to do it…but I kinda did…

——-wulyDOESNTkillWITHOUTreason——

/////BACKaWULYintoAcornANDaWULYbite/——

////THEYwereALL——SUCHgreatFRIENDS////

——theyJUSTweren’tMYfriends///—-

—-theROARoftheWULY

Ask Wuly, Why Is College so Fekkin’ Expensive??

Shalom Fuckfarts,

I get asked, “Wise Wuly, Wuly the Great, Wuly the omnipotent, why is college tuition so high?”

//// I will tell you//// ——- listen closely democrats, you may learn something(unlikely, but possible)….

If the government wasn’t making credit and money so easy for students, then they wouldn’t be able to afford college. In turn, institutions would either be forced to bid down their prices or go out of business. More federal aid is not the answer. Adding more poison to an already poisoned patient doesn’t make sense to even half-tards.

Shalom fuckers.

See you all in the funny papers.

In the name of the farther, andthe son,/////and the wulySPIRIT///